My heart in God's hands

Some of you may wonder why I have been dwelling on the subject of finding the right person, marriage, etc. Well the answer is simple… or maybe not. Anyway, God has been dealing with me in that area for the last few days. It seems like that is God's Christmas gift to me this year. Let me tell you, it is one of those gifts that is highly beneficial but hard to receive and appreciate. I will be honest; some of the things God has revealed to me concerning His will for me are difficult to swallow.



It has been my habit in the past to dictate to God the way I want my love life to go. I gave no mind to what His will was and is for me in that area. Well, after the last bruising I received at the hands of so-called love, I needed no prodding before I turned to Him for guidance. Sometimes I wish I could still just do things the way I want but I know that no matter how tough things are right now, His ultimate will for me is one that will bring me lasting joy and fulfilment.


Now the latest revelation (which may seem very obvious to some of you but is practically new to me) is that He created me (spirit, soul and body) and therefore everything about me belongs to Him. That includes my heart which is the centre of all my emotions. My heart is not mine to give away; it is up to Him to decide which woman should have it. Therefore, I cannot continue to give it and take it back at will. So my prayer has changed from God, help me to win her heart to God, please take my heart, do what You will with it and hand it over to the woman you have chosen for me. 



As soon as I started praying this way, a totally new feeling came over me. While I may still be "disappointed" about not being able to have the woman I have wanted for some months now, (and who's to say she's not the one God is packaging my heart for), I find myself feeling happy to the point of being giddy. I still made an error recently in being particularly rash about a certain matter but I acknowledge that I have a weakness in that regard and trust God to fix whatever damage I may have caused. I was telling a friend a couple of days ago that I feel like I'm in love already. It's a wonderful feeling and I enjoy having it. I feel like the true love that God means for me to have for that certain woman is finally a part of me.



Some people have been asking me who the woman who has swept me off my feet is and my answer to them is I don't know yet although I have an idea who she might be ;-). The thing is when I do find out for sure who she is, she will have my entire heart to herself, and she will be my world, my life, my heart, my all. In fact, she already is all those things to me. Is it strange that I feel all this love for a woman who isn't in the picture yet? Maybe but that's the way God wants it and that's the way it will be. So if you see me and notice a certain spark in my eyes and a spring in my step, don't wonder or be surprised. It's just God working on me and preparing me to take care of one of His wonderful daughters.



Once again, this has been my 2 kobo. Stay blessed and remember me in your prayers.


P.S. I couldn't come up with a good title for this one so I just put something up there.