An old writing that relates to a present situation....
People say love hurts. No kidding!
My dear readers, you have no idea how much pain lies behind these words as I type them. I've noticed a trend in my life. I always fall for the ones who shoot craters in my heart and I can only pray that by the time I'm done, there will still be a bit of it left that I can offer to someone. Each time I come out of a relationship, I swear to never enter another one because the pain always threatens to swallow me up. I walk around with this mind set but them some beautiful lady always comes by and wipes away my conviction. There lies the problem. What do I need to do to make sure I stick with my conviction? I've cried to God on several occasions. Why? The answer is always the same. God is love and therefore He cannot and will never consider taking away my ability to love.
Dear readers, how do you put someone you love out of your mind? Do I decide to fight God? Do I feel it's His fault for putting me in my current emotional state? Why did He create me this way? I don't mean to burden you guys with my issues but I need to "vent" my frustrations. I have so many questions but no answers. Maybe I don't know how to pray. Maybe I "thought" I heard whereas nothing was said. Maybe I'm just a fool for falling. All I know right now is my heart is in pieces and I'm not sure if I can find all those pieces talk much less of putting them back together.
The irony is, after all this, I just know I'll meet another nice, beautiful, God fearing girl and be right back where I started but this time maybe I simply won't allow myself to feel anything. Life is probably easier that way.
The Pain in Love
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Don't keep quiet, TALK ABOUT IT...
Was talking to a friend yesterday and she suggested I put up some old writings. I went and dug up an old notebook and thought I would give it a try. I think I wrote this some 6 or 7 years ago, maybe even more. Anyway, It flows from one question and I guess after trying my best to answer that question, I just kept going. As usual, I was writing from personal experience. Here it goes...
Why do so many women who have good men cheat on them?
I have been asking myself this question ever since I suffered the same fate! I don't want to blow my own horn and claim to be a good guy but I believe I have always given my best in relationships and treated women with respect, love and dignity. The problem is probably much more complex that I could ever imagine though.
Think about it: Here you have a perfectly good man, who loves you to pieces, supports you at every turn, takes care of you to the best of his ability, and is a pretty much all around "good guy". Next, you have his girlfriend, fiancée or wife . This perfectly good man finds out some how, that his woman has cheated on him. Heartbreaking to say the least! The question is...why? Why would a woman cheat on a perfectly good man? There's no universal answer for this one I'm afraid.
The reason why I say that is because, no one really knows what is going on inside of this woman's head or heart. There is a strong possibility that she is just plain unhappy. Now before you come out of your underwear...let me say, yes, it appears that this woman may seem to have nothing to be unhappy about. But do we really know that? Do we know what their life is like? What is their financial situation? Are there any other major stressors going on in the marriage or relationship?
Here are some interesting reasons why i believe some women may be inclined to wander:
- They "Get off" on the Rush - Women crave the "high" from the initial attraction they feel toward a new guy.
- They want attention - Women sometimes cheat because they feel taken for granted and a new lover gives them the TLC that their man may not be giving.
- They feel pressured - When women stress, (especially over a guy), they may seek out another stud to lean on as a distraction.
This also applies to developing relationships or even friendships. When two people like each other, communication becomes very important in seeing if it will go anywhere. When you fail to talk, things are bound to go bad. Assumptions are made, people jump to conclusions and there is all around misunderstanding of what may be going on within both of you. No one can know what you are feeling or thinking unless you express it. If he/she annoys you, talk about it. A lot of guys will act like nothing ticks them off just so they can look good and win the girl over. Some girls do the the same for fear of hurting the guy. If you both live in fear of upsetting or getting upset, you are already building the wrong foundation. Even if the relationship never develops into something serious or never goes beyond friendship you will at least know that you laid all your cards on the table and you definitely made the right decision. There will be no regrets, no thought of "if only I had told him/her".
As usual, this is my own two kobo. My limited understanding on this matter. Feel free to correct and contribute.
Love letter (Part 1)
God has shown me over the last few days just how much he loves me despite my uncanny ability to act like a dunce at every given opportunity. I have recently started to view the Bible as the longest love letter I have ever read. I've also found that I've been a lot more emotional since I imbibed this mind set and it has led me to write one of my own though not to God but to someone special all the same. That one will be blogged about later. For now, read and enjoy God's love letter to Akinjide Ojo...
My dearest Akinjide,
Because I knew even before I created the earth that you would accept My love for you, and that you would seek to know Me thus…
In the beginning I created the heavens and the earth. Then at the right time and in the right place I created you. I created your inner most being, I created every part of you, I knit you together in your mother's womb. You were carefully and wonderfully made; my works are wonderful, and you My precious child are my work. My eyes saw your unformed body. All the days planned for you were written in my book before one of them came to be. How precious are my thoughts for you, How great is the number of them! If you were to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
Listen to me, My precious child; I created you and have cared for you since before you were born. I will be your God throughout your lifetime, until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. I will carry you in my arms, holding you close to my heart. For I know the plans that I have for you plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
My precious child, there are some times of suffering in your life. But the temporary suffering of this life does not compare to the glory that shall be revealed in you. Know this that I am with you and I will help you. Your help comes from me, I am the God who created the heavens and the earth, and the one who created you. I will never leave you, I will never reject you. When your parents fail you I will pick you up, hold you close, and adopt you. Nothing can ever separate you from my love for you. When you are in trouble and distress my love is with you. When you are persecuted my love is with you. When you are hungry and cold and naked my love is with you, I am always with you. When you are in danger and threatened with death my love is with you, I will be with you forever.
My precious child know that nothing can separate you from my love, no matter how high you go, no matter how deep you sink, nothing in life and not even death can separate you from Me, and My love for you. No demon or any other power in hell can separate you from my love. My love for you is revealed through Christ Jesus your Lord. In all things and every situation you will have victory, you will conquer, because the victory of Christ Jesus is your victory.
But now, My precious child, I the LORD, who created you and formed you, says: Do not be afraid, for I have purchased you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, they will not over flow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. I command you to be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid; do not be dismayed, for I, the LORD your God will be with you everywhere you go.
My precious child, know that everything will work together for your good, because you love me. You have been called according to my purpose. For I knew you before you were born and I predestined you to be conformed to the likeness of my Son, Jesus Christ. This is your destiny, and this is your purpose, that you become one with my Son Jesus, and thus one with me. I created you in my image so that you and I can express love to each other. The most intimate relationship you can have is with me because you and I are becoming one. You and your brothers and sisters that believe in me are becoming one with Jesus, and thus one with me. You in me, and me in you, together, unified by my love for you. You were designed for this purpose, nothing else will ever satisfy your deepest needs, your deepest desires, only I can. Because you seek to know me I satisfy your heart with love, joy, and peace that only I can give you.
My precious child if you should forget me, and enter into sin, and not turn back to Me on your own then I will punish you. Because your sin will separate you from feeling My presence, and My influence, and I want you to return to your first love, the One who loves you. I the Lord discipline those I love, and I punish everyone who I accept as my child. Just as a good Father disciplines His children to turn them away from a dangerous path, so I shall discipline you for your good, that you may share in My holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
My precious child, When you confess your sins, I am faithful and just and will forgive you of your sins and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. In repentance and resting in Me is your salvation, in quietness and trusting Me is your strength. I will create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit within you. I will not send you away from My presence, and I will not take My Holy Spirit from you. I will restore again the joy of your salvation, and make you willing to obey Me. Then you will teach My ways to sinners, and they will return to Me also. Humble yourself, therefore, under My mighty hand, that I may lift you up at the right time.
My precious child do not forget all my benefits, I forgive all your sins and heal all your diseases, I rescue your life from the pit of destruction and crown you with love and compassion. I satisfy your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagles. I The LORD work righteousness and justice for all the oppressed; I The LORD am compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. I will not always accuse, nor will I harbor my anger forever; I do not treat you as your sins deserve or repay you according to your iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is My love for you because you fear Me; as far as the east is from the west, so far have I removed your transgressions from you.
My precious child, call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know. Always pray to Me about your every concern, pray from your mouth and pray from your heart, I hear every thought that you think. Everything that you care about, I care about also because it concerns you. Cast all your cares and anxiety on Me because I love you. Trust in Me, the LORD YOUR GOD, with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding; In everything acknowledge Me, And I will direct your paths. Do not worry about anything, but in everything big or small, by prayer, with thanksgiving, present your requests to Me, the Most High God. And I will give you My peace in your heart, peace that is beyond all human understanding, and it will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus. Always be joyful. Keep on praying always. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is My will for you because you belong to Me.
My precious child, Study My Book of law and truth, the Holy Bible, do not let My words depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. My words are Spirit and they are Life. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you will, and it will be given you. For the word of God is living and powerful. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. The most important thing you will ever own is your Bible because it gives you knowledge of Me, The Most High God. It makes the poor rich, it gives hope to the hopeless, faith to the fearful, food to the hungry, water to the thirsty, love to the despised, comfort to the lonely, freedom to the prisoner, health to the sick, light in the darkness, and life to the dying.
My precious child I have set up circumstances and situations in your life to cause you to seek Me and find Me. I desire that you know Me. I am The Lord your God, full of compassion, and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, Let not the mighty man glory in his might, Nor let the rich man glory in his riches; But My precious child glory in this, That you understand and know Me, That I am the LORD, exercising compassion, loving kindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth. For in these I delight and take pleasure.
All things are created for My pleasure and My pleasure is to show forth loving compassion. I have compassion on the poor and needy, and I am a Father to the fatherless, I help them, and I defend them. Far below Me are the heavens and the earth, I stoop to look down, and I lift the poor from the dirt and the needy from the garbage dump and I set them among princes. My precious child I want you to do these things also, have compassion on the poor and needy and help them, this is what it means to know Me. For I am Love, and when you live in love, you live in Me, and I live in you. Loving compassion is good, and this is what I require from you, to do what is right, to love compassion, and to walk humbly with your God.
As a father has compassion on his children, so I your LORD have compassion on you because you fear Me; for I know how you were formed, I remember that you are dust. Forever and ever My love is with you because you fear Me, and My righteousness with your children's children; with those who keep My covenant and remember to obey My laws. My law is to love. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments all of My laws are based. When you walk in love you are obeying all My laws. When you walk in Love you are walking in My Holy Spirit for I AM LOVE!
My precious child come and live in My shelter, in the protection of the Most High God, you will find rest in the presence of the Almighty. You will say, "This I declare of the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I am trusting him." My precious child I will rescue you from every trap and protect you from the fatal plague. I will shield you with My wings. I will shelter you with My feathers. My faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor fear the dangers of the day, nor dread the plague that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. But you will see it with your eyes; you will see how the wicked are punished.
Because you My precious child make the LORD your refuge, because you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling. For I order My angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you with their hands to keep you from striking your foot on a stone. You will trample down lions and poisonous snakes; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
My precious child, My servant, and My friend, whom I have chosen, I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will hold you up with my righteous right hand. All who come against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, for I myself will help you declares the LORD, your Redeemer. You will rejoice in the LORD and glory in the Holy One of Israel.
My precious child, when you asked Me to forgive your sins and come into your heart I sent My Holy Spirit into you to comfort you, to give you power, and as proof to you that I have adopted you as My child. The Holy Spirit shall lead you into all truth because He shall testify of Jesus, and He will give you power to testify of Jesus. I will speak to you through My Holy Spirit that is in you, He will tell you what is right and wrong, what is love and hate. My Holy Spirit is a gentle whisper inside your heart telling you the path to walk in. If you walk in My Spirit you will walk in love, you will not sin. And you will see great and mighty things happen before you, they will not be accomplished by strength, nor by outside force, but by My Spirit says the LORD ALMIGHTY. Through My Holy Spirit I shall give you supernatural gifts that you may be blessed, and that you shall bless others through demonstrating My love for them. My Holy Spirit will be with you through out your whole life, and after I will receive you into My glory.
I your LORD say to you I will rescue you because you love me. I will protect you because you trust in my name. When you call on me, I will answer; I will be with you in trouble. I will rescue you and honor you. I will satisfy you with a long life and give you my salvation. Akinjide, call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me. It is your destiny.
With tears in my eyes, i share this with all of you. My Father in heaven loves me more than any could ever. My heart swells with that thought alone to the point of bursting. Ha! Baba God, u too much....
Food for Thought
Hebrews 12: 16-17: "Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright. For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears".
Esau's story shows that mistakes and sins sometimes have lasting consequences. His story can be read in Genesis 25: 29-34; 27:36. Even repentance and forgiveness do not always eliminate sin's consequences. How do you make decisions based on what you want now rather than what you need in the long run? Evaluate the long-range effects of your decisions and actions.
The Bible says that Esau had 400 bodyguards. Anyone who has 400 bodyguards must be doing well. This may have been the case but consider the fact that a whole nation now bears the name of his younger brother. It could have been his name and not Jacob's. Imagine Isreal that we know today being tagged as "The Nation of Esau".
No matter how well Esau lived, it does not change the fact that he missed out on a much bigger blessing when he sold his birthright. He let his hunger get in the way of his blessing the same way we let our wants get in the way of our blessings.
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