The Pain in Love

An old writing that relates to a present situation....

People say love hurts. No kidding! 
 
My dear readers, you have no idea how much pain lies behind these words as I type them. I've noticed a trend in my life. I always fall for the ones who shoot craters in my heart and I can only pray that by the time I'm done, there will still be a bit of it left that I can offer to someone. Each time I come out of a relationship, I swear to never enter another one because the pain always threatens to swallow me up. I walk around with this mind set but them some beautiful lady always comes by and wipes away my conviction. There lies the problem. What do I need to do to make sure I stick with my conviction? I've cried to God on several occasions. Why? The answer is always the same. God is love and therefore He cannot and will never consider taking away my ability to love.

Dear readers, how do you put someone you love out of your mind? Do I decide to fight God? Do I feel it's His fault for putting me in my current emotional state? Why did He create me this way? I don't mean to burden you guys with my issues but I need to "vent" my frustrations. I have so many questions but no answers. Maybe I don't know how to pray. Maybe I "thought" I heard whereas nothing was said. Maybe I'm just a fool for falling. All I know right now is my heart is in pieces and I'm not sure if I can find all those pieces talk much less of putting them back together.

The irony is, after all this, I just know I'll meet another nice, beautiful, God fearing girl and be right back where I started but this time maybe I simply won't allow myself to feel anything. Life is probably easier that way.