Was talking to a friend yesterday and she suggested I put up some old writings. I went and dug up an old notebook and thought I would give it a try. I think I wrote this some 6 or 7 years ago, maybe even more. Anyway, It flows from one question and I guess after trying my best to answer that question, I just kept going. As usual, I was writing from personal experience. Here it goes...
Why do so many women who have good men cheat on them?
I have been asking myself this question ever since I suffered the same fate! I don't want to blow my own horn and claim to be a good guy but I believe I have always given my best in relationships and treated women with respect, love and dignity. The problem is probably much more complex that I could ever imagine though.
Think about it: Here you have a perfectly good man, who loves you to pieces, supports you at every turn, takes care of you to the best of his ability, and is a pretty much all around "good guy". Next, you have his girlfriend, fiancée or wife . This perfectly good man finds out some how, that his woman has cheated on him. Heartbreaking to say the least! The question is...why? Why would a woman cheat on a perfectly good man? There's no universal answer for this one I'm afraid.
The reason why I say that is because, no one really knows what is going on inside of this woman's head or heart. There is a strong possibility that she is just plain unhappy. Now before you come out of your underwear...let me say, yes, it appears that this woman may seem to have nothing to be unhappy about. But do we really know that? Do we know what their life is like? What is their financial situation? Are there any other major stressors going on in the marriage or relationship?
Here are some interesting reasons why i believe some women may be inclined to wander:
- They "Get off" on the Rush - Women crave the "high" from the initial attraction they feel toward a new guy.
- They want attention - Women sometimes cheat because they feel taken for granted and a new lover gives them the TLC that their man may not be giving.
- They feel pressured - When women stress, (especially over a guy), they may seek out another stud to lean on as a distraction.
This also applies to developing relationships or even friendships. When two people like each other, communication becomes very important in seeing if it will go anywhere. When you fail to talk, things are bound to go bad. Assumptions are made, people jump to conclusions and there is all around misunderstanding of what may be going on within both of you. No one can know what you are feeling or thinking unless you express it. If he/she annoys you, talk about it. A lot of guys will act like nothing ticks them off just so they can look good and win the girl over. Some girls do the the same for fear of hurting the guy. If you both live in fear of upsetting or getting upset, you are already building the wrong foundation. Even if the relationship never develops into something serious or never goes beyond friendship you will at least know that you laid all your cards on the table and you definitely made the right decision. There will be no regrets, no thought of "if only I had told him/her".
As usual, this is my own two kobo. My limited understanding on this matter. Feel free to correct and contribute.
5 comments:
Well, I think it is a 2-way street... a good guy gets cheated on, a good girl gets cheated on.
There is no logical answer to the whole issue... but could hazard a guess...
Yeah, attention from a new guy/chic and pressure.
First I think that the major issue starts from when one's expectations just doesn't match with what you got... and you start to look for "pleasures" elsewhere.
Could be the person's mindset... some people can't just believe that good people exist.... was once told by a chic that if you see a good guy, there is somefin more to him.
Check him. He is too good to be true. Trust issues... he/she must be cheating or doing some other "bad" stuff and using the "good characters" everybody sees to cover up....
Could also be the "human nature". When some bad characters in an individual becomes obvious cuz of the person dey r dating or married to, some people tend to rebel. They cheat so they aint d only bad person.
They gat "company". Wrong thinking tho... cuz if some good stuff in someone exposes the bad in u... me think ur "solution" should be to change... After all, the good person would also have some not so good xter.
Could also be the everybody does it, why can't I attitude... or like someone once said... it is innate in man to wanna cheat no matter how good... or bad the other person is.
Yeah yeah, communication... But ask yourself how many people really listen when corrected.... and follow through with changing???
I think we just need to pass the stage of "to yarn or not to yarn" when it comes to saying somethings to people... Fear of not knowing how the person might receive ur suggestion could deter people from talking...
Valid point but my question to you is , if we move past the stage of "to yarn or not to yarn", where do we go from there? Two people who care about each other will always listen. Even if there is no change after that, at least you both know you laid all your cards on the table. That way there will be no "what of I had said something?" A wise friend once told me, "you never know if its what you say that might make someone decide to change".
True.. but what you say can also be what would make the relationship end... that would always happen in relationships cuz not everybody would take ur yarning "kindly"... tho for marriages, it is different... if your spouse can't yarn, without u getting hurt, angry or upset, then actually thinking over the issue and correcting it (if you are wrong), then there is a problem... relationships even between people who really care about themselves do end...
I agree. But seeing as a relationship should be leading towards marriage, shouldn't both people start learning how to yarn without it causing problems? And shouldn't they yarn before marriage so that they know if they can live with it or not before it becomes and issue after they may have married? Sometimes yarning may lead to a broken relationship but like another friend of mine said, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Yarning will definitely sometimes lead to hurt feelings and people getting upset but I personally feel its better that way. If the love is truly there, the hurt will eventually turn to appreciation. Tell me the truth and let me deal with it now rather than let it come out on its own later. The truth will always come out even if its several years down the line. However, there may be a middle ground. Guess what needs to happen is for people to find that middle ground. Guess while its good to talk, sometimes silence may be the best answer. Just make sure that what you keep silent about is something you can handle and live with because once that option is taken, you must forever hold your peace.
yeah... but keeping silent @ times pays... it is the person's choice... nuff said
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